Parents' corner

Crying is the only way they can talk, and not every cry needs a fix. It’s fine not to know. Check the basics, hold them close, and sometimes simply be with them until it passes. Being there is already a lot. And if something feels unusual to you, you can always call your doctor or well-baby nurse.

Almost every parent feels this sometimes. There are no perfect parents, and you don’t need to be one. Being "good enough" is enough: there, trying, getting it wrong and putting it right. That is exactly what you are doing. The fact that you’re asking says it all.

Babies’ appetite changes from day to day, just like ours. Look at the picture over a few days, and at the wet diapers. Fewer wet diapers, an unusually sleepy baby, or refusing feeds that goes on: see a doctor.

The tiredness of this time is real and hard, and it is not a failure. Rest when you can, and take every bit of help offered. If sadness, anxiety or emptiness last more than two weeks, or thoughts of harming yourself or the baby come up, talk to a doctor or your well-baby nurse, today. Postnatal depression is common, it happens to fathers too, and it treats well.

Breastfeeding is something you learn together, and many mothers find it hard at first. Pain, sore nipples or worrying there isn’t enough milk are good reasons to see a lactation consultant or your well-baby nurse. A fed baby and a mother who feels well are what matter, in whatever way fits you.

That is very common in the first months. Babies love closeness, and it’s fine to enjoy it while you’re awake. When you want to put them down, lay them on their back in their own cot. In time you can try putting them down drowsy but still awake.

This happens to many parents, and nothing is wrong with you. A bond grows slowly, out of the small everyday things: feeds, changes, looking at each other. Give it time. And if it comes with deep sadness, it’s worth talking to someone.

Anger at a time like this is human, especially when you’re exhausted. It doesn’t make you bad parents. When it rises, it’s fine to take a short break: lay the baby down safely, step out and breathe. Then forgive yourselves too. Compassion for yourselves is part of parenting.

In the first weeks there is bleeding and discharge from the womb that fades over time, usually for four to six weeks. Rest, fluids and good food help your body heal. About six weeks after the birth, a check with your gynecologist is recommended, even when all feels fine. Bleeding that stays heavy and red after two or three weeks, or smells bad, is a reason to be checked.

Pain around stitches or a scar is common in the first days and fades bit by bit. Redness, swelling, pus or pain that gets stronger are reasons to see a doctor.

In the first days after the birth many mothers feel sensitive, cry easily or feel sad for moments. This is called the "baby blues". It is very common and usually passes on its own. Rest, help and someone who really listens make a difference.

If sadness, anxiety or emptiness don’t pass after about two weeks, get worse, or start later on, it can be postpartum depression. It is common, it is not your fault, and it has good treatment. Talk to your family doctor, your gynecologist or the Tipat Halav nurse. Tipat Halav sometimes offers a short questionnaire about how you feel: a tool for the conversation, not a diagnosis.

The tiredness of this time is real, and there is no failure in it. Try to rest when the baby sleeps, accept any help offered, and leave what can wait. You don’t have to do it all.